1. I always pick beer over wine. I don't know what happened to me, but I am all about a good IPA these days.
2. Look at the size of those winter weather advisories. What the hell Winter? Give up already!
3. I recently learned that potty training boys is gross. Like super gross. Like your bathroom will smell like a truck stop bathroom and no matter how much vinegar you spray, it will never leave. Also, take all of the rugs off of the bathroom floor.
4. Only when no one is looking I pluck my eyebrows. I'm weirdly self conscious about the caterpillars on my face.
5. I lost my mind when I thought Lizzie was about to smother Judith on The Walking Dead. I was literally panicking.
6. I was certain i'd be a rock star traveling the country and being besties with Sherri Bemis. There's still time right?
7. There is not enough liquor in the world for me to ride a horse. Laugh all you want, they freak me out hardcore.
8. I just finished changing a dirty diaper. I'll trade you?
9. Why does everyone have to be so ungrateful. Namely my toddler who is sitting on the couch screaming "MORE MILK!" at me repeatedly. I birthed you child, please check yourself.
10. It's very rare when I don't burn whatever is in my oven. It runs 50 degrees hotter than the dial says and every suggested temperature is completely wrong for the depths of hell that is my oven.
11. If i were a dog I would want to be a cat. The grass is always greener...
12. I don't believe that leggings are pants. Sorry I'm not sorry.