Thursday, May 8, 2014

Body Image: The Never Ending Struggle

As most of you know, in the last 18 months, I have lost 88 pounds. I have sweat, struggled, cried and binged. I have also felt such an enormous sense of accomplishment and pride. I have never felt better, physically. My body has done things that I never thought it was capable of and I am so damn proud of that.

Can I just get real petty for a second though? I am down to a 32A cup guys. Between two children and a lot of weight loss, my boobs literally look like two, sad, deflated balloons. I had to buy a training bra yesterday. There was so much shame and self loathing in my heart as I was handing the nice lady my debit card.
I HATE that I have worked so hard to be at such a great point in my life and something as stupid as my boobs can make me unhappy with the way I see myself. 

My next point is why? Why on Earth am I letting something so dumb get me down? 
I have no answer for you. Maybe it's the Victoria's Secret commercials that play every 7 minutes. Maybe it's things like this ecard circulating Pinterest.
I know that it is ludicrous to be so bummed about my boob size. I understand completely that I am so, so blessed, but when there is so much pressure to have a nice body, losing weight just isn't enough. Now we as women have to be skinny with abs, a great butt, killer legs, a ripped back, but not too ripped, a thigh gap and nice, perky boobs. 

I am here to tell you that I, as a normal person, have none of those things. I have a c-section flap, loose skin, sad balloon boobs, stretch marks from my neck to my knees and there is no way in hell I will ever have a thigh gap, even though I bust my butt everyday to live a healthy life for me and my family. 
When will my best be enough though? 

Body image is such a bitch. You think, "oh, if I just lose 10 pounds, I will feel so much better about myself." So you lose that 10 pounds and then there is something else that you pick out that is "wrong". 

Can we just say screw you to all of the expectations to look a certain way? 
I am here on this Little Friday link up to tell you, I have tiny boobs and you know what, I am going to work to accept that, because Jesus has blessed me in so many other ways. 
Do I still feel bad about my training bra? Yes. But I am going to try really hard to focus on how far I have come and not what I "lack". 

Keep kicking ass ladies!
All My Love, 
Meg




The Grits Blog

12 comments:

  1. Girl you are so awesome and amazing to have come this far in your journey!! And let me scream it with ya... Power to the little boob gals!! I'm right there with ya sista :)

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  2. Between February 2013 and August 2013 I lost 50 pounds.. from then to now I'm down another 10... AND I SWEAR THE BOOB THING STILL KILLS ME.

    After having my son.. I was a 36C.. And I'm like "Wahoo TATAS"
    And then I lost weight and I went down to a 34B... and I'm like, "That isn't SO bad"...
    Today, I can tell you that I'm definitely back into an A.. maybe a SMALL B...
    And, all I wear is sports bras.. because WHAT'S THE POINT.

    However, even though my boobs are small.. I still have that pooch from being preggers... and my thighs (as toned as they are) are still the largest part of my body...

    I'm cool with it.
    Because I know where I came from...
    (It doesn't stop me from busting my butt in the gym though!!!)

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  3. MEG!!!! If we lived closer, I'd be on my way over to give you a huge hug (and then a round of trash talk about body expectations). We all struggle with body image on some level, you are so not alone. It's totally always something. Yesterday, I went bathing suit shopping for my upcoming trip and I mean truly- is there anything more depressing than trying on bathing suits? (Jeans, maybe.) The fact is though, YOU have kicked SO much ass & have ROCKED IT in the fit/health department. You have also had 2 beautiful babies - battle scars to prove just how kick ass you are. OWN THAT, lady. (I hope someday I can have baby battle scars of my own) :)

    We women really need to rally together and remind each other over and over that beauty shines through actions and the way we love & encourage others. Everything else is just lies. (Particularly those mirrors and the lighting in Nordstrom.... evil, I tell you!!!) You are an inspiration to me! XOXO!

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    1. Emily, if we lived closer I would be hitting you up for margaritas stat!!
      Bathing suit shopping is the worst. To me, wearing a swimming suit is just a parade of my flaws. And seriously, shouldn't they put flattering mirrors in department stores so people will buy more junk??
      And THANK YOU!! The baby battle scars are so worth it, they really, really are.
      You are fabulous love!

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  4. MEG this is so true! I am so so frustrated by the fact that even though I'm so healthy I still feel not good enough. Thanks a lot, media I guess? I think a lot about how I will make sure my (someday) children don't have these crazy expectations. It's just hard when all we see is big-boobied-tiny-bootied-super-skinny women everywhere that is considere glamorous. UGH.

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    1. I worry every day that Ellie will see my insecurities and mirror them. I try really hard to keep my body image woes to myself around my Littles. I don't ever want her to feel embarrassed by the way she looks or feel like she's not good enough. Being a woman is hard!!

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    2. girl whenever I have kids I am hitting you up for advice!

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  5. Hey, beautiful lady! I know what it's like to have little boobs! A few years ago I lost a bunch of weight and had tiny things! I was actually really happy bc it meant that the rest of my body was shrinking. :) Hey, I totally understand the pressure you're talking about. I live in LA! lol I have had people tell me things like, "wow, you're so comfortable with your body, I wish I could be," AKA "you're fat and you're ok with it!" Seriously I don't know what's going to be left after this and many babies to come. :) We all have our thing/things that are incredible. Your smile and dimple/s must be on that list! I am totally encouraged by your weight loss through great exercise! I'll hold onto my Cabbage Patch Knees and think good thoughts for some reason. :) I just know them now. :) Great post!

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    1. Hi Love!! I can't believe that people have said that to you!! We will never stop the crazy high standards if we can't even be kind to each other.
      Thank you so much! You are so sweet!!

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  6. Here's the deal about having smaller boobs than bigger boobs- YOU HAVE SO MANY MORE CLOTHING OPTIONS!! AND if your boobs are too small for something you have the stuffing option. GIRL half glass full here!

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