When I was 220 pounds, I was broken. I was a shell.
When I decided to get healthy, that didn't just mean eating salad and buying cute running shoes. It meant working on my soul. I didn't want to just lose weight, I wanted to find myself. To be honest, losing the weight was the easy part. I didn't realize the amount of hurt I had been holding on to so tightly. It was almost as if I had come back to life and discovered that people I thought I could trust had perpetually let me down. Comfort and convenience were put ahead of friendship and family. This was a hard thing to realize. I almost let it break me again, but I knew in my heart that pretending things were fine would not heal my spirit. I also realized that I had meant very little to those people all along. Nothing had actually changed, I just wasn't convenient to them anymore. So I let go. I didn't need the heartache of being left out or an afterthought or run the risk of them ever treating my Littles that way. That's not how people you love should treat you. You should never have to fight to "get back in" with anyone. The ache in my heart dulled as I realized I have been so blessed. I have a handsome, caring husband, two sweet Littles, fantastic parents and parents-in-law, and beautiful, hilarious, soulmate friends who I can always count on no matter what and the ultimate blessing of finding out who cares and who doesn't. I don't have time for part time people in my life. You're either in, or you're not. It sounds so cynical, but really it is cynically optimistic. Despite being shown repeatedly that people are often not who they seem, I know that I have the strength to always be myself and to see the wonder in the world around me. It is a beautiful world we live in despite all of its faults. You just have to have the strength to live.
All My Love,